Finn Rayner: Navigating Teenage Life, An Honest Inside Look at High School Struggles, Triumphs, and Personal Growth

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome back to another edition of the Red Leaf Fitness podcast, A show dedicated to bringing you stories, interviews and conversations about living a healthy, resilient and productive life. I'm your host, Sean Blinch, and I want to thank you for making time to listen to this episode today and, if you like what we're putting down, we would love it if you would follow, rate and share this podcast. All right, now let's get down to business.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Welcome back to the Red Leaf Fitness podcast. On Tuesday, November 21st. I am sitting here with the youngster, the young man, Finn Rainer.

Speaker 3: 0:44

How's it going? Good man, how you doing, not too bad Not too bad.

Speaker 2: 0:49

Excellent man. Wow, it's good to have you on the show. We've got a cool topic to talk about today. Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to it. Yep, so where are you coming from? What's where you at in your day here?

Speaker 3: 1:01

Right now, grade 11, high school, Big year for me, big step up and straight from school right now.

Speaker 2: 1:12

And that's actually kind of where we're going to go with this conversation. You and I were in a workout last week and you just threw it out and you just said, hey, let's hop on the podcast. Yeah. And I thought that was so cool, man. And then what I thought was even cooler is you texted me like an hour later saying, hey, how was next week? And I was like good, really good, let's go. So what was on your mind? What did you want to hop on here about?

Speaker 3: 1:43

Well, especially one thing I really wanted to cover was the academic and social transition for teenagers like especially going into high school, Because I know when COVID really struck, that was the years of my transition into high school, which made things difficult socially and academically, and I think a lot of other teenagers could agree with me. So absolutely.

Speaker 2: 2:09

Yeah, and that was the frame that you had set up. You're like, this is what I want to talk about, and I was like, yeah, man, this is going to be. This is really important stuff. Yeah, now, before we dive into that, would you mind just sharing a little bit about your story and start from the beginning, like where you were born, where you went to school, those kinds of things, like what kind of sports you went to do?

Speaker 3: 2:33

Yeah, so I was born in Toronto, born and raised and I started off at primary school just down the road from where I live and my whole intro to school was, you know, my primary school was almost like below level from other ones, so everything felt more basic than it should be. So after primary school I went to Glenview, which is a grade middle school, grade seven and eight. Yeah, and that was my first real taste of the struggle academically. Okay.

Speaker 3: 3:06

Even though technically speaking, you can't fail grade seven or eight.

Speaker 3: 3:10

That's where I kind of started learning.

Speaker 3: 3:13

Teachers can not be so great and nice all the time and work can be difficult and through my years at Glenview there were a lot of challenges, not just academically but the school itself. The staffing was super messed up. I remember the year when I was in grade six, a couple months before summer break, before I would have gone to Glenview, there was a big incident and the TSP ended up getting sued for millions of dollars, wow, and every you know the principal, all most of the office staff at Glenview got put on leave and then eventually fired and brought new ones in and allegedly the old principal that worked there before I got there was amazing at running the school and the school was very high, functioning and doing really well. And then things kind of slowed down in my first year there and then the first half of my grade seven year was pretty good, just getting my work done. As I said, there was academic difficulty, but it was still grade seven, so there was still a fun aspect to it. And then COVID hit kind of mid grade seven.

Speaker 2: 4:32

This is important detail for what we're about to talk about.

Speaker 3: 4:35

Yeah, On, I believe it was Christmas break. I had gone to Punta Canna on vacation and I got back from Punta Canna like a day before they closed the borders, which was like super lucky.

Speaker 2: 4:53

That must have been like March 21st or something like a day after yeah.

Speaker 3: 4:59

So I was like right on time for that. And then I came back and the whole I kept seeing these things circulating around the like around social media that my friends were posting and stuff like oh, school's going to go online, this is going to be so fun Cause this is the first time it had ever happened, right? Yeah, so I was obviously just joking about it. Oh, it's not that big of a deal. And before school went online, we were walking like we'd walk through the halls and kids would be like jokingly, like putting masks on and like uh-huh, like there's a virus going around, better watch out.

Speaker 3: 5:28

And then it got serious, right, yeah, so the other half of my grade seven year was completely virtual, and that's crazy For a kid like me that has ADHD. I struggled a lot with focusing on those virtual classrooms, sitting there for hours on end having a teacher talk to you through a horrible microphone on a screen, and then that year ended and then essentially also my whole grade eight year was online. That was when COVID was kind of at its peak in that time. So, yeah, I basically spent all of my grade eight year online, which was also really, really bad. And, um, I think a lot of people look at online school kind of the aspect like, oh, you get to stay home and go to the bathroom and everyone, you don't have to walk to school in the rain or do this or do that. But there's also like a really horrible, horrible part of it, especially for kids with learning disabilities like ADHD.

Speaker 2: 6:39

Can you hone in on that a little bit, like you know what kind of just expand on that experience a bit?

Speaker 3: 6:46

Yeah, so I for me when I was in online school. It I wasn't very disciplined academically at the time, so online school kind of gave me the freedom to like not go to class, not pay attention, go on my phone, turn my camera off and go do whatever I want. I didn't have that kind of environment around me where if I did that in school, a teacher would be like no, you can't do that. There were no rules for online school. Right, obviously there's some things that you can't do, yeah, but, um, it gave a lot of kids the freedom and then they a lot of people, including myself took advantage of that, which I think it's fair to say most kids would do that.

Speaker 2: 7:31

Absolutely In grade eight, I mean yeah.

Speaker 3: 7:35

So, yeah, it just gave me the freedom to do whatever I want, um, which really messed up, really messed myself up academically. So, like for me to say that whole year where I barely did any work, didn't focus, I didn't get the foundation in a lot of subjects, especially important ones like math, english, science, and then being all online, that transition into grade nine where things get Way, way more serious. It was really difficult for me and a lot of other kids.

Speaker 3: 8:11

Yeah so Getting into grade nine and finally having to take that step, realizing, oh, now you can really fail a course and You'll have to redo it that was like it took a lot of kids a long time to really wrap their head around that. Because my grade nine year I didn't do a lot, I didn't focus very well, I didn't hand and work on time and I did end up passing all my classes. But Mmm, like I was, I was dancing on the edge a little bit in grade nine, for sure.

Speaker 2: 8:40

So you have the kind of the benefit of the perspective now being, you know, a few years removed from this. Did you know in grade eight like, oh shit, this is gonna be problems, or did that kind of hit you later on I?

Speaker 3: 8:59

Didn't I had.

Speaker 3: 9:00

I really had no idea well obviously I knew you can fail a course in grade nine, yeah, but I still didn't take it as seriously as I should have. I didn't really know what I was going into. I didn't expect it to be as difficult as it was. And, yeah, as like, like I said before, with the 8 HD, the grade like in grade nine, the workload obviously increased a ton. Yeah, and my first the way my high school works is it's semester based. So Each each school year we have two semesters, four classes each semester, and my first semester was math, science, english and like French, and it was all a nightmare, like having math and science and English in the same semester. Coming from that virtual school transition was super difficult.

Speaker 3: 9:54

Yeah super, super difficult. And then Branch on the side. I had a French teacher who was, you know, a lot of kids say they have bad teachers when they're not actually bad, but this one was a. She was up there, okay. So I basically struggled with all four subjects but just Push through it and managed to pass all them by the end of the semester. And then my second semester was super light. I just got through that.

Speaker 2: 10:20

But what was the social experience like for you? From going to kind of like a year and a half of you know Someone, isolation into almost submersion right, because it's not like even though high school came back, it was in transition into you know, getting getting back to normal, whatever that is.

Speaker 3: 10:41

Yeah, it was um, it was for me. It was really exciting. I think for a lot of kids it was exciting as well.

Speaker 2: 10:48

You're like nice, out of our stupid TV, you're out of our laptops, into being real with real people.

Speaker 3: 10:56

Yeah, well, with the virtual school, for the first couple days everyone was like, oh, I get to sit at home and do nothing. But then, after it happened for so long, people really started, yeah, saying like, okay, this is really horrible. Yeah, so, yeah, like for A lot of kids it was super exciting to get.

Speaker 3: 11:14

Not only were they going into high school like the big leagues academically, right but like seeing all their friends again, because, also, what happened is there's so many middle schools in our area. Kids kids that were friends would branch off after primary school, yeah, go to different middle schools and then they'd meet back up in high school and it's like a whole big, like reunion, basically right and yeah. So I was super excited. It was like really awesome because, you know, now I'm in high school, all my friends are here, like I'm in classes with all my friends is gonna be great.

Speaker 3: 11:47

But I think for a lot of kids as well, it was really intimidating. It's luckily for me, like during all my years at school prior to high school, I've made friends with a ton of people and, yeah, I was really social. So, yeah, like my social experience has been really good so far. But I think for some kids it was really scary and really intimidating and especially, it gets worse as those people go into high school. Because I feel like high school is where people really start getting Self-conscious about certain things. I know I felt that way. I know a lot of other people feel that way. So, yeah, the social part of high school makes some people really really nervous and some people it makes them feel amazing. It just really depends on the person.

Speaker 2: 12:31

Yeah, what kinds of things do you think people get self-conscious of when it comes to the high school?

Speaker 3: 12:40

Well it. What I noticed is that a lot of a Lot of the guys. Second, they hit high school. Everyone starts going to the gym. Oh yeah, because kids will see one kid it was like Super built, super muscular. Oh, I need to be like that guy, I need to be strong, I need to put it on for the ladies, this and that. So All these guys will start going to the gym. That's the first thing.

Speaker 2: 13:07

And then the weight room is just slang and just people are just.

Speaker 3: 13:12

Clang and bang, yeah, and the thing with the girls is I feel like they'll be a couple girls that in high school in today's day and age the dress code is like Unbelievable, not like strict, like unbelievably unstrict, okay, pushing limits, exactly. So it doesn't really like I don't really care, like I can't change it, but I do find it like a little bit strange how it's allowed. Yeah, but anyways, I feel like a lot of like really fit girls go out and like to school and these like ridiculously revealing Clothes and other girls will see that and like that'll make them super insecure as well. I've talked to a lot of girls about this.

Speaker 3: 13:54

It's just Like comparison is the thief of joy really good heard that great quote man Good for you and I think that's really common in high school. Yeah everyone's always comparing themselves to someone else, which is is mostly the cause of the being insecure right.

Speaker 2: 14:12

Absolutely yeah, it's a really sensitive and a really delicate time where you're starting to. These are really formative years where you're starting to kind of lay foundations for who you're going to become. And you know, I think the good news is is that, like you know, you go through high school. You kind of you know life beats you up a little bit and and just like you were describing In grade eight, you know you crashed up against some of the academic challenges but ultimately what happens is iron, hardens iron, and so you know you go through these things and while you're going through it it's super uncomfortable and obviously we're not all putting our hand up to go through uncomfortable times. They happen Sort of for us, right, not so much to us, and and I think in the good news isn't that they're, you know my, my thought here is that good news is about high school.

Speaker 2: 15:04

Is that, like a little bit of my thought here is that good news is about high school. Is that like a lot of the hardships that you're going to feel in, in that you know that that station in life start to work for you and the harder, the hardest lessons that you learned in those four years, or five years or five and half if you're me. Hey, yeah, they, they become assets and later on, you know, I like to think that, or I like to say that every five years you kind of become a new person and it might be less for others, or that's just what I've noticed in my life. There's definitely these like cycles and these seasons that I look back on last five years and I'm like, wow, things have really changed in the way I see things. So, yeah, that's my main point. There is like a lot of the stuff that you're feeling and going through in high school and stuff like it sucks but, Later, things start to make sense.

Speaker 3: 16:04

I think it. I agree with that, but I also think it kind of works both ways. I think high school forges a lot of people Into really awesome people and teaches them a ton of lessons and they become awesome people. But I think it could also go the other way, where high schools it can turn you into a really horrible person. Okay, tell me about it.

Speaker 3: 16:27

Well, obviously the whole like. When I was at Glenview there was never a sign of drug use from the students or anything like that. But when I got to high school, that whole scene completely changed. There were kids three years older than me that were smoking and vaping and that whole scene was a totally new thing to everyone. And then kids that had just gotten in grade nine to see all these grade 12s doing it and they're like, oh wow, this is super cool, I gotta do this too. And it starts off with little things that just leads to bigger, bigger things.

Speaker 3: 17:06

I'm not personally friends with, but I know definitely a couple of kids that have gotten into some super bad stuff just from the people they started hanging around with in high school and the stupid things they started doing.

Speaker 3: 17:21

Like I was, I think it must have been grade 10. There was a whole thing going around and I'd gone to the bathroom one day and there was a dude just doing cocaine in there In high school yeah, grade 12. So that was where I kind of got a bit of a taste for the dark side of high school when I saw that and luckily most of the kids saw that and they were like, okay, that's super weird, I'm not gonna do that. And some of the kids were like, oh, this guy is like super cool. I see him talking to everyone and hanging out with all these pretty girls and he's doing this too. I might as well start doing it as well, right? So high school is really a gateway to a lot of really great things, but if you're not a very disciplined person, it can also lead you down a very bad path.

Speaker 2: 18:16

Because you're exposed to these things and these. Through this exposure, it's like you're kind of this pseudo adult, this adult in the making, and you get to make that decision. If that pathway's ahead of you and you think it's cool, no one's gonna stop you.

Speaker 3: 18:34

You're gonna go ahead and go check that out, yeah exactly, and primary school and middle school everyone, like most kids, kind of lived in that bubble right. Never had that exposure before. I think it's just all about the kind of person you are and it really depends on the kind of person you are and which way you're gonna take seeing those kind of things. And we live in a really nice neighborhood so luckily, like I said, most like 95% of those kids were like okay, I'm staying away from that.

Speaker 3: 19:08

But there's that small percent, that kind of get infected with that stuff and then people start hanging out with them and then they spread it to those people too and it kind of just keeps going until a couple of people can be like, okay, let's not do this and cut those people off. And I noticed that a lot of high school kids don't have that at least my age don't have that realization yet. Cause I know I'm the type of person that if I'm hanging out with someone and I think what they're doing is really stupid and they do it constantly or I'm hanging out with someone who doesn't have a good effect on me, I won't like no second thought. I'll just be like okay, I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. You're gonna have to go do this stuff somewhere else. I wish you the best, but I don't wanna be in this, like you know, in on the scene anymore. But a lot of kids can't do that. They're like oh, but they're my friend.

Speaker 3: 20:06

Like it sucks, but I think you always gotta put yourself first right.

Speaker 2: 20:14

I think that's always. That's one of the things that I always thought was so impressive about you. From you know, we've been training for a couple of years now. You always seem to have this very value-based and principled approach to how you're seeing life, and it's not common. What you're describing, I think, is extremely accurate. I think you're talking about a cohort of kids who haven't really developed that mental acuity of being able to say hey, no, this goes against, like my values and my constitution. As a person. I'm not like. I'm sort of rejecting this, and I think that your friends are really lucky to have someone like you who's able to sort of at least be a voice of reason in a bit of a cloud of crazy you know, that's great.

Speaker 3: 21:03

Well, kind of not all people, but a lot of people don't like kids don't really read into that stuff yet, cause they're kind of all like, oh, let's just go with the flow and, you know, live life day by day, do whatever we want, da-da-da-da. A lot of kids don't have those kind of values set for themselves yet and I think later in life there's gonna come a hard way where they have to learn those things.

Speaker 2: 21:28

Do you mean situational, like, say something, you guys are in a, you're put into a situation and they're kind of unable to sort of read the room a bit and read the scenario, and I just, I just mean, I don't think they understand that it's important to have those kind of in general values, right, right.

Speaker 3: 21:45

Cause a lot of kids like obviously most kids have proper morals, so they'll go out and they won't like break into someone's house or do something ridiculously illegal.

Speaker 3: 21:57

But yeah, obviously every kid's gonna do stupid stuff. But a lot of kids step over the line a little bit Not to the point of getting like arrested and sent to prison for two years, but you know, not too far off that yeah. And when they start doing that stuff constantly, it just progresses closer and closer and closer to really serious stuff. And a lot of kids don't have that kind of discipline yet or maturity to really think back and say, okay, well, this isn't good for me, this isn't good for the people I'm around. I like I need to stop this Cause. The way they see it, it's just like in the moment it's a great time and they don't have the ability to think back on that moment and say, okay, well, maybe this was stupid. They just kind of think to themselves, okay, well, it's in the past already, can't do anything about it now, right, and they can't. But they just never seem to change the way they act.

Speaker 2: 22:57

So, when it comes to consequences, do you feel like kids have a chance to learn from those mistakes they do? How do you view those kinds of bigger mistakes people are making? I don't know, it really depends on the scenario, but about consequence.

Speaker 3: 23:18

The thing I find is that most kids suffer like very little, sometimes even no consequences at all, for certain things they do. And tell me about that. Yeah, so obviously as a kid, everyone hates consequences. But if you want to grow up to be a good person, then you're going to have to kind of learn from those mistakes and I think that's the best way to do it. You're going to have to kind of learn Consequences.

Speaker 3: 23:43

There's consequences for your actions and I think it all kind of roots off of parents, really, because when you're one year old, when you're one year old, it's not gonna, if you break something, the police aren't gonna come to your house and arrest you. Your parents are gonna reprimand you in whatever way they see fit. But a lot of kids parents don't do that anymore and that's where it all roots from, in my opinion. So I had an old friend of mine get into a really, really horrible situation with a lot of police involved and he didn't get arrested or anything, but he ended up just making a dumb mistake and had a lot of people looking for him and then remember he got home super late in the night and his parents were super worried and and the next day he was just out and about again at night hanging out with his buddies. And you know, when I heard that I saw that he was out with his friends, I was like, okay, well, it made me pretty angry Cause it was completely ridiculous.

Speaker 3: 25:03

And then it's also there's a thing with a lot of parents how they feel about their kids, cause some kids get so deep into that rabbit hole that sometimes even their parents are just like, okay, well, I give up as kids, like a completely lost cause. And I definitely know some parents that are like that too, some kids that I know, which is really unfortunate actually. But I guess it does get to a point where, like, obviously, if you're a parent, you can't control your 16, 17 year old child, you can't keep them in the house, you can't make them go sit in the corner. That's not how it works. So, yeah, I think that's it Like. Those situations happen super frequently and I think that trains a lot of kids to think consequences and the things they do, even if they're bad or completely irrelevant, which leads them to do stupid things and, like I said, that progresses into even stupider things and who knows what else down the road.

Speaker 2: 26:07

You know my kids are really young, but I remember being a teenager. A lot of people in my network right now have teenagers and, as you can imagine, it is probably one of the hardest things a parent has to do is to go through the teenage years, because of how much pain, how much heartbreak, how much change, how much failure a teen has to go through, whether it's not consequential but just sort of like, whether it just be as simple as like sports or the grades, or like not getting into the school you wanted and all your friends did, and there's just an immense amount of heartbreak.

Speaker 2: 27:06

So, and I think about the parents out there with the out of control teenager, and they have no, they don't know what to do. So parents are just people, aren't they? They're just humans with limitations and imperfections themselves, and they're just people doing their best, and so it's hard like, and a lot of the things that you're talking about, finn. It's really interesting because I was that kid. I know I've shared this with you, but, like I was the kid that you're describing, I chose the bad path. It was never cocaine in a high school bathroom. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 2: 27:59

But that kind of stuff was happening elsewhere and I blew it I. One of my biggest regrets for the longest time was my high school years, because I went nuts. I was angry, I was, I was everything and for a lot of reasons I was able to make it back. Yeah, and now I look at that time as such a formative block and it doesn't necessarily set the foundation for who you are forever. There's a lot of fluidity to those years. So if you're going through like times where you're kind of rebelling and you're going, you know you're chasing fun and thrill and that's not necessarily who you become forever.

Speaker 3: 29:02

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:03

But there are some massive risks and a lot of danger to that lifestyle and that's kind of you know, that part has stuck with me in the sense that, like I obviously like I don't even drink. Yeah, you know, because of a lot of those, the connections I have to that time, like a lot of the darker sides, a lot of my darker memories are tied to alcohol, you know, and pain, and it was hurting and trying to figure it out and trying to get it better. And I guess my point is like, if I'm lucky and this podcast with you gets out to one of your friends, and there's something in this podcast that they can connect to.

Speaker 3: 29:49

Oh, this is going to get out to my friends.

Speaker 2: 29:52

Good, good I, you know You'll be out there. I think my main point there that I would love to be able to share is that, like, no matter what you're going through right now in high school, this is not the rest of your life, this is right now. It's never too late to stop ask for help, to reach out, whether it's anonymous or whatever, but there's always hope.

Speaker 3: 30:18

Yeah, absolutely, and luckily I don't think any of my friends need that pep talk. They're not too far down the rabbit hole yet you know why?

Speaker 2: 30:30

Cause they have a fin reiner in their life.

Speaker 3: 30:32

I don't know, I don't want to take all the credit but I'll take a little bit.

Speaker 2: 30:37

My group did not have a single fin. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 3: 30:40

Yeah, we're getting used to you. I do try to be the voice of reason every now and then.

Speaker 2: 30:44

Yeah, you know, and a lot of the stories that you'll share like you don't always, you know, tell all the details and stuff, but you're gonna be general ideas and we'll have a few laughs and stuff. But I'm always really impressed at your ability to kind of be this like steady lighthouse, you know, and there's a fucking storm going on out there in the ocean and you know you're still, you know, shining your light. Yeah, for sure I'm, I've lost my train of thought completely.

Speaker 2: 31:18

Yeah, Look, it's just, it's, it's, it's impressive, and I just think that like chatting about not just the surface level of high school, of it being, like, you know, my gateway to get into college or university, or whatever, like talking about like the darker sides, I think is a really important topic and I think it takes a lot of bravery to to to want to like get out here on these mics. This conversation is going to be on Spotify and Apple music, Like it's gonna be out there. So let me ask you here's a question for you what was why? What inspired you to want to come and do this? Just expand on that just a little bit.

Speaker 3: 32:00

Well, I think we both know how it started. Yep, several months ago we used to train in the group. You used to train me and a bunch of my other friends. Yep, bunch of beauties. And miss those guys One of those days, miss the lat spreads and the mirror. There was a suggestion where I was like oh, what if we all got on a podcast? Together, that's right.

Speaker 3: 32:23

And I will say now in retrospect if you did get all those kids on that podcast, probably would have been pretty shitty and not a lot of interesting. It would have been funny, but it wouldn't have been a very interesting conversation.

Speaker 2: 32:36

I don't think we should put the theory to a test. I still want to get that group in a room and, or, you know, I actually have a software. I, I, I definitely still want to give that podcast a shot.

Speaker 3: 32:50

I think now that it's it's been a while longer and everyone it'll work has matured a little bit more. Fair that I think it'll go better than it would have, However, many months ago right.

Speaker 2: 33:03

That's a fair assessment.

Speaker 3: 33:05

Yeah, but I mean, kind of last week I remember we were talking about it and since we talked about having one with the group, I'd like it had completely left my mind. I haven't thought about it in a long time. And, um yeah, we kind of just started talking about it and then you asked me you know, what topics would you want to cover on it? And I was kind of thinking of certain things and didn't really know what to do. And then when I kind of came out with the whole like basic high school life and the transition socially and academically from COVID, I kind of thought it was a little too um broad of a topic.

Speaker 3: 33:50

But now that we're here and kind of diving into every little bit of it, I feel like a lot of people might actually find it interesting because also, I think a lot of people that aren't teenagers and even some older teenagers kind of neglected a bit, because obviously a lot of people don't understand how it was during COVID and in high school now. So it kind of there was never really a stigma around it and people really never really recognized anything about it. But you know, coming on here and trying to give at least kind of my sight on how it all works is. I think some people might find that actually kind of interesting, and I know all the hundred people that I'm going to send this to and say watch me on this podcast will probably find it interesting as well.

Speaker 2: 34:46

And just in case this gets shared to some folks who don't know where you're at in high school, like what grade are you in right now?

Speaker 3: 34:55

I'm in grade 11 right now and yeah, first semester grade 11, been a super easier for me so far. My second semester is going to be total pain in the ass and it's going to require a ton of hard work, but I think I can get it done. Yeah. I think it'll be just fun.

Speaker 2: 35:14

Here's a question for you like, let's say you had the opportunity to go back and give some advice to grade 9, finn, what would you say?

Speaker 3: 35:28

Find a way to combat procrastination, like something you told me, something that Bison's do. You always run straight into the storm because that's the quickest way to get it over with. So that's awesome In an academic sense the second you get home, the day you get that assignment, get it done. The second you get home, the day you get that homework, get it done. The second you get home and you have a test the week later, go home and study and you know you'll always find free time. But I think what I would have told myself is that school comes first, not going out with the boys or especially girls. That was definitely a big issue for me in grade 9. I always put the girls first and never the school. I sometimes blame myself, as I feel like that was a part of my not failure, but my low achievement. Luckily we're here now and I've learned from that. I've suffered the consequences and now we're in a better spot where school does come first and then, more important things.

Speaker 3: 36:37

I think family, school, friends, all that stuff is way more popping up in my life now. I'm just trying to focus on the important things in life instead of the super little things on the side.

Speaker 2: 36:55

Yeah, the super little things on the side can often feel like based on your closeness or proximity to them. They can feel like really really big things and they can be really, really distracting. If you were able to give advice to your grade 9 self, that actually just sounds like really good sound advice for anybody going into grade 9 or 10. It also just sounds like really good general advice for anytime when do you? What's it look like for you going into grade 12? How does going into that final year feel for you? Are you feeling stressed?

Speaker 3: 37:48

Well, it is stressful, and it's even stressful now because universities and post-secondary schools, the years they look at are grade 11 and 12.

Speaker 3: 38:02

They'll look at all your grades from those years. Right now I'm doing really good in my first semester of grade 11. Good for you, man, love it. Second semester, hopefully I'll do really good as well.

Speaker 3: 38:16

Grade 12 is kind of just a mystery really. I feel like that's kind of just. We're going to wait to cross that bridge until we get there, right, I don't want to go too far and deep into thought about what's grade 12 going to be like, because I don't want to spiral down into that whole of anxiety. What if I fail this? What if I fail that? What if I don't accept it by the school? What if I don't even go to university?

Speaker 3: 38:42

I'm just kind of living high school day by day right now and not focusing too much on what's going to happen in grade 12, because I'm confident in myself that Grishelva is going to be hard. The workload is going to be big, probably harder than grade 11. Right now, I think grade 11 is going to be pretty hard too. Although those thoughts are they're true and they put a lot of people in the headspace where, oh, grade 12 is going to be super difficult. I don't think I'll be able to do it. But just because I think it's going to be difficult. I'm separating that from those other thoughts. Just because it's difficult doesn't mean I'm not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 2: 39:26

That's right.

Speaker 3: 39:27

I'm sure I've done harder things in my life with gone more difficult things than grade 12 in high school. So I think it's all about positive attitude. Yeah. Being optimistic. If you go into grade 12, being super negative and pessimistic, I'm going to fail this. Even if I study, I'm going to fail. Even if I do this homework, I'm going to get a low mark. With that kind of attitude, you're never going to succeed. I think even if you're in the darkest depths, you always have to keep a positive mentality.

Speaker 2: 40:02

Amen, that's fantastic. Yeah. Good for you, Finn. I had a couple of questions that sort of pop up into my head that I wouldn't mind just picking your brain on.

Speaker 2: 40:17

And, by the way, I think that the advice in that soundbite that you just gave is timeless and I think it'll be really cool if you're able to listen to this podcast three years from now, five years from now or something, and you'll be like shit I was on point. As you get into your adult years and you're going to, I think you'll be really impressed with just your ability and your. The way you see things is super impressive. So my questions are what does family mean to you?

Speaker 3: 40:56

I think now family is like first priority Myself and my family for sure.

Speaker 2: 41:05

Tell me about that.

Speaker 3: 41:07

Well, earlier this year my dad passed away by suicide and he had a lot of mental health problems and before he died, obviously, like most people do, I had a large, high value for my family, because that's just basic.

Speaker 3: 41:27

But after he died I kind of took on that responsibility and, yeah, I kind of always just felt the need to be as helpful as possible, even in little ways, because parents, like in a situation like mine my parents or my mom and my brother didn't expect me to like become the man of the house and do a ton of shit and I didn't put that weight on myself either. But I think my mom appreciated just as much me cooking dinner a couple of days a week and cleaning up around the house and walking the dog and getting my brother out of bed into school and just doing my homework without her having to tell me to and like little things like that. Right, I think that can be equally just as helpful and my mom doesn't always see that and be like oh, thank you so much. Most of the time she does, because she's super awesome.

Speaker 3: 42:32

But, shout out to Julie yeah, and I just I try to do those things as much as possible. I could definitely improve a little more, which I'll continue to try and do, and I think my brother could do. But yeah, my family really means everything to me. It's above all else.

Speaker 2: 43:00

I know you're your mom's super proud of you and what you have gone through this year is something that nobody can truly know what it felt like. But I'll tell you, watching you become the man that you're becoming is there's not a lot of words to describe it. Because in a scenario where you have every reason to go in a different direction, you're not. You're doing those things. You're doing those tiny things inside the family which mean everything. I always I used to tell your mom I was like you know what Finn is. He's a watchtower. He stands way up high, doesn't say a lot, stoic, and just sort of watches down on things, and that I used to tell her that when your father was here and that aspect of who you are has brought so much strength to you, know your your family unit and I think it's really brave that you chose to to open up about that.

Speaker 3: 44:31

Yeah, Well, like you said before, I think, um, I can agree that I wouldn't call myself like I'm pretty social, but I'm like always observing everything around me. Um, my dad did the same thing. Did he? Yeah, except he was a lot more like kind of anti-social. Okay.

Speaker 3: 44:57

He didn't always like talking to everyone and you know he was always able to pick the right people to hang out with and, you know, always keep himself away from from shitty people and I do the same thing but he was just a lot more inside than me Like stand inside and playing guitar all night and, you know, every now and then he'd go out and like rent out a studio with his buddies and like jam all night and, um, yeah, we have a lot of the same traits, um, but I think over the years, learning how to observe certain people and body language and the way people act has become like a critical ability to me, because that is also kind of giving me the choice and the realization that, okay, maybe this person isn't gonna, isn't a good.

Speaker 3: 45:56

You know, like I don't want to be seen with this person, it's not a good reflection on me, or maybe they're like influencing me negatively, right, and I feel like a lot of kids don't see that nowadays. So with that, my kind of observation mobility, I feel like if I didn't have that, I really don't know what kind of you know place I'd be in today. I don't think it would be like horrible, but definitely worse than where I am now.

Speaker 2: 46:26

You know, what I love so much, man, is that you attribute one of your best qualities, um, to your father. I'll never forget the day you told me how proud you were of him and how strong he was. I, I, just I, I just love it. I just think it's so great, finn, that you're able to link back these. You know these parts of who we become as people Like wow, I got that, I got that really great um part of me, uh, from Julie and like this part is first, sure, from my dad. You know, I think that that's exceptional and so introspective and like, and what I mean by that is, again, as a young dude, the ability to have that emotional, uh, eq and the connection to where these things come from is like, it's beyond your, your, your head of your years.

Speaker 3: 47:27

Yeah, I, I honestly I think I credit a lot of my maturity to after my dad died, because that's kind of one of those situations where you know there's no time to kind of sit around and be like a little shithead. You kind of got to, you got to grow up really fast, right. So, um, I don't really look back on on having to mature that much and grow up super fast as a as a bad thing. I think it was definitely inconvenient and probably cut off my you know, amazing fun going out and doing crazy shit with friends years. But you know, now that I'm in the stage where I'm way more mature than I was before, I'm kind of glad that I didn't experience that last little bit where shit gets crazy. So, yeah, like I said, I think I just I credit a lot of my maturity and the responsibility I take to after he died.

Speaker 2: 48:39

That's an incredible amount of clarity that you're able to to have looking back on that Um and again. Uh, I just think it's incredibly brave to be able to um open up about that here on this forum.

Speaker 3: 48:58

Yeah, um, I really don't have a problem talking about it at all. It's just when people you know when I talk about it. I just don't want people asking a ton of questions and like picking apart the tiny little details. Obviously, if they ask questions I don't care, but once people you know get a little bit too invested and it gets to the point where it's kind of bugging me, that's where all like that's where I'll stop, but otherwise I don't, I don't have a problem with talking about it at all.

Speaker 2: 49:27

Yeah, um, you have definitely boundaries around. You know how far that's fair man.

Speaker 3: 49:33

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2: 49:34

I remember you actually saying that very thing to me when we were going on a rock. Um not that long ago maybe six weeks ago Um, and yeah, we had a really great chat that day. Um, you told me a lot of really cool things about your dad. I learned a lot that day. Um. So one of my other questions was what do your friends mean to you? Um and are there any shout outs? Are there any any special mentions?

Speaker 3: 50:10

Um, yeah, uh, not not my closest friend, one who I actually met fairly recently, but my buddy Fisher, yep, awesome guy, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Henry Conner. Yeah, conner, one of my closest friends. Yeah, who else am I missing? Simon was in that group too. Simon's a good dude yeah. Who am I missing in that group? I'm missing one person, callum. Callum no one.

Speaker 2: 50:39

Callum for forever, absolutely Love. Callum the Death.

Speaker 3: 50:42

But anyways, my, my friends mean the world to me and you know especially my, my close friends, and then my kind of outer ring, and in my outer rings I don't talk to all of them super frequently because some of them are on the crazier side of the spectrum and then some of them are super chill.

Speaker 3: 51:00

But, um, all my close friends are like not really sure what I would do without them, because you know, they just like, like, like friends do for everyone. They just create that environment where I can just like kind of be myself right and do whatever I really want to do around them without having to be like, oh, maybe this is embarrassing or should I be worried that they're going to hate me for this or whatever. And like they're all, they're all very interesting to converse with and they're all like super fun, upbeat guys. And then I also have, obviously a ton of friends that are girls too and like most of them are pretty great as well and some of them are, you know, right now it kind of seems like their whole life is nothing if there isn't drama involved. It's like it just it all depends on the person really. But yeah.

Speaker 3: 52:07

Like I said, my friends just create that kind of like Like safe, like funny environment that I'm like super comfortable in now and most of them I've known for forever. Like Shaggy grew up right across the street from me for like I don't know since I was like born basically, and then you know a bunch of other kids I went to preschool with and stuff like that. I don't even remember how long I've known the other guys for, but it's been a really, really, really long time. So, yeah, it's not often that I go out and like I'll meet a person and then become really good friends with them After a while. Usually I just have this quarter group of guys that I just chill with and I don't often make new friends. Obviously there's exceptions where I do and I end up becoming really good friends with them, but mostly it's just this group of dudes that I've basically been hanging out with for my entire life. So we all know each other like ridiculously well.

Speaker 2: 53:12

And you very well may know these guys for your entire lives. Yeah, some guys might break off and move away or whatever, or you know you'd fade away, it's a natural. But you know you very well might know this core group of guys forever.

Speaker 3: 53:28

Yeah, for sure. I think what you said, like some of them moving away or branching off this, and that is like totally going to happen with some of them. Sure. And also a bunch of them that, like you said, I don't know for the rest of my life. And you know, since I've known these guys for forever, like we've gone through the shit together, right, so like everyone's had each other's back for a long time. Yeah. And I think that just made kind of the group even stronger together.

Speaker 2: 53:55

Yeah, creates those incredible bonds. You know, like when I first to comment on your group of buddies, like I was very lucky to be able to train everybody for what was probably a month or six weeks or something, but you know we would meet and we would, we would train. These kids are good kids, I could tell right away and it's interesting Like I don't know if I really knew you as well then as I do now. But you know, being such a valued principled person, you don't really put up with a lot of, you expect a lot of the people around you and I think it's a great quality, it's a leadership quality and the fact that those kids make the cut says a lot about them.

Speaker 3: 54:41

And also I do. I don't I don't think I expect a ridiculous amount of stuff, but obviously if I'm going to respect you as a friend, you better respect me too. Yeah, and you know there's a loyalty part that comes with it as well. You can't like like, for example, if I dated a girl and I break up with her and when my friends goes, oh I want to get with this girl now, and I say no and they don't do it, that's great, it's out of respect for me.

Speaker 3: 55:10

If they do, that's like it's not necessarily the action of them doing it, but more the fact that they kind of broke that. Yeah, that is kind of like okay, well, you know this doesn't make me hate you, but this makes me kind of question our, our, you know the friendship between us and that's happened to me before. But you know it was with such a like small tiny thing that I'm able to just like brush it off like totally forgiven. At the time it seemed like it was the whole world, but in retrospect it's really not a big deal. And yeah, basically we all have that, that loyalty to each other, and no matter what kind of situation we we get into, everyone's always going to have each other's backs, which is really nice, cause I don't think a lot of people would do that for their friends nowadays, or a lot of people's friends would do that for them nowadays.

Speaker 2: 56:12

It's a really, really special thing that you have, man, and I'll tell you from experience, kind of being that kid in high school that you described, not only did I sacrifice those years academically and it worked really hard to, to, to create a life, to work twice as hard. My, my core friend group is. In other words, I always wanted that core group of dudes that you have. You know, that's a really, really cool thing that you have and very, very special, and I really hope that you're able to keep everybody together for at least, like I don't know the foreseeable future, you know, through uni and those kinds of things. So, dude, by the way, that was really great, like you know. That was fun to hear about the way you're looking at friendships and those kinds of things. My last question for you, and, by the way, did we cover off everything that you wanted to talk about today? If not, let's dive into it.

Speaker 3: 57:36

I think we, I think we really got all of it. Basically. There was not a not really a question that you left unanswered, so I think we got most of it.

Speaker 2: 57:48

Good, good, okay. So my last question for you is and you don't need to have a definitive answer on this but what's the future look like for you? Like, do you know what you want to do? And you thinking about stuff?

Speaker 3: 58:09

I'm always kind of back and forth. Really. I think it's always changing for me because you know it could change at any second really. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 58:21

But a lot of kids get really hung up on that stuff Totally and I think it really messed them up If nobody gave it an answer by the way. It just went their way. I had a girlfriend who was like very academically driven ex-girlfriend. She was very academically driven and she was like from grade age she's like I'm going to go to this university, I'm going to do this, and she worked ridiculously hard. Obviously that's going to set her up really well in the future, but I feel like it also kind of stripped her of a lot of key parts of being a kid.

Speaker 3: 59:07

Just her work ethic and the way she did things. I couldn't change that Like. Now she's probably more than likely going to get acceptance into Oxford, which is like crazy, crazy, yeah, so that's really awesome. But I think in more severe cases kids can get so stuck up on what's going to happen in the future, that they just veer completely off course.

Speaker 3: 59:42

Because I feel like there's this big thing that you find out what you want to do and maybe you just don't work hard enough to get there. You don't end up getting there. And if that's the one thing you've wanted to do for the longest time and you fail at that, no matter who you are, you're going to feel horrible. If you don't have a strong will and you can't get hit and get back up, you don't have a lot of resilience to that stuff. It'll be super difficult.

Speaker 3: 1:00:19

So, like I said, like I'm living high school day by day I'm also kind of just living life day by day and obviously, as I get closer to that stage where I am going to have to pick up a job or start my own business or do whatever after university, I'm going to start thinking about that stuff. But as a grade 11 student, what I want to be thinking about right now is getting my work done in grade 11, and making sure my family's all right and making sure all my friends are good. And in the second semester of grade 11, I want to start focusing on preparing for grade 12. And then, closer to the end of grade 12, I want to start preparing for university and I'll pick up university. And if I don't get accepted, the whole world isn't going to explode, right. There's always other places to go. And there's also this whole thing that if you don't get accepted into university, you're a high level school, past high school, your life's over and you become homeless or something and completely dead broke, which isn't true at all.

Speaker 3: 1:01:30

I think it's a myth. Exactly, I think a lot of people who don't go to university or even just struggle a ton in university everyone still has the chance to be super successful as long as they have the resources behind them and unfortunately some people don't have those resources. But for most of the people that I know, especially kids that live in a neighborhood like I live in and most of Toronto in general, I think a lot of kids have those resources. So, yeah, kids get super stuck up on that stuff.

Speaker 3: 1:02:05

I know, I thought it for a long time if I don't go to university, like what's going to happen? And if I weren't to go to university I wouldn't be worried that I'd be homeless or something and never get to have to work a horrible job for the rest of my life. I'd be more kind of bummed out, because university is not only a big academic step in your life, but it's like you live independently for the first time and it's like you learn independence and it's super social as well. You learn a ton of social skills. So in my opinion, I think university is more important for that than it is for actual academics.

Speaker 2: 1:02:51

That's dude. That is exactly right. That's. That is what it's for.

Speaker 3: 1:03:00

Yeah, like I remember watching this video on social media the other day and this guy was asking people would you rather travel around the world to all different places, all different walks of life for?

Speaker 3: 1:03:14

four or five years or go to university and I kind of thought about it and like it's hard, man, because you're never really going to gain, especially from something like traveling and traveling that frequently that much. There's not a lot of other ways to learn those life skills. And universities is start. It's definitely a start and it sets you a really good foundation. But after university, if you just get a job straight away or go into a shitty like nine to five and like it just your mental state and your knowledge about life and emotional knowledge and social knowledge as a whole might and probably will just be on a decline.

Speaker 3: 1:04:19

I think it's important that you take time outside of school and working to try and like just live life a little bit and kind of just try to experience everything. That's right, which is definitely what I'm trying to do. I don't just want to be that guy and all those kids who just go out to house parties every weekend and drink a bunch of beer and then go home super hungover the next morning. There's no life skill associated with that. I'd rather travel and go to different places in the world and like their world countries and see what life is like for other people and learn different languages and do stuff like that Because I think learning life skills in a way like traveling is far more important than school will ever be.

Speaker 2: 1:05:25

But if you could wave a magic wand, where would you travel Like?

Speaker 3: 1:05:29

flights today.

Speaker 2: 1:05:30

Where would you go?

Speaker 3: 1:05:33

Why can't I think of the name right now? And you?

Speaker 2: 1:05:35

get a small carry on that. You can't bring tons of shit.

Speaker 3: 1:05:40

I'd go to Nepal probably, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:05:42

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:05:43

Because I think Nepal is like a very most of Nepal, is a very poverty stricken country. Kind of like a third world country basically, but Nepal, I think, also holds some of like. It's like one of the most beautiful countries in the world in my opinion. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:06:03

And I know my mom and my grandma went there and I've seen photos of it and everything like that, so I'd love to go there. And Nepal is one of those places where you can experience like a totally different lifestyle, where people don't work nine to fives and massive office buildings and people don't drive their like car around on a big paved highway everywhere. It's like completely different and I haven't like a lot of people haven't experienced that and I would love to experience it because I think you learn a lot from going to a place like that.

Speaker 2: 1:06:40

That's awesome man, a fantastic, a great place to want to visit. Get on you. Look, I want to make sure I respect your time. This has been a lot of fun. I do want to throw a shout out there. Mike and Julie, I think you've done a wonderful job with this young man and with Ben. I am so excited to watch this dude continue to thrive and it's been my honor to be able to be here for at least a handful of years to see this dude go from a mini in our little Leafs glass. He's like 6'1 or 6'2. You're taller than me, you know. Faces me off a little bit and just get to see him continue to go through high school and university. It's been a lot of fun and it's going to be even cooler to see you go into those next phase. It's going to be awesome. So thanks for joining today, man, thanks for having me.